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It’s not Funny, I repeat, it’s not Funny!

Please note, the above pic has nothing to do with the article. It’s for representational purpose only.

That “Guy” 501, (no hard feelings) ruins everyone’s birthday... so I first saw him in real life on the 9th of Oct which was on my brother’s birthday (he is not his friend) next on the 29th of Jan, now my birthday falls on the same date which is on the 29th of March & his birthday is in the same month ie: Jan.

His mom & bro’s birthday is on 21st Dec, so is my mom’s... Then that gifting fiasco happened on 5th March, his birthday falls on the same date 5th of Jan and it was my birthday month!

He even ruined Gandhiji’s Birthday... I first met him in 2013 on 2nd Oct and he fought with me, called me a Spot Boy! Moreover he has also ruined Chacha Nehru’s Birthday (I’m hysterically laughing at this point) he added that sock puppet ID Aishwarya on the 14th of Nov & blocked me on the very same day after hearing my name... the whole night went by crying, I almost passed out.

Moving on to our first conversation which took place on 2nd October, 2013...

*clears throat*

Let me narrate The *meh* “So-So” Story...

This cute Napoleon Bonaparte has nothing to do with the story either.

Once upon a time... when I was still alive, I was busy going through my suggested list on FB because I had no friends & I had recently re-installed it after facing years of cyber bullying & torment.

I thought I needed a better crowd or social circle.

This was FB back then: Every Loner’s Best Friend...

Anyway, I came by his ID, added him

This is our chat transcript: (I don’t remember our exact conversation or words but I’ve covered everything)

Me: Hey I don’t know you personally but we seem to have mutual friends & you were in the ‘suggested list’, do you mind sharing an introduction?

Him: Sure, I’m a dumb idiot & I do a show called blah blah blah.

Me: Cool. I’m Zara & blah blah blah I’m still

studying, I’m in SYJC (for Non-Indian readers, it means second year, junior college)

Him: I’m way older than you

Me: May I know your age?

Him: 25

Me: Oh u don’t look that old, you look younger

Him: Thanks

Thought it would be rude to just leave it there & not reply so I responded

promptly and cordially

Me: I’m 18.

Him: So?

Me: So what? You told me ur age so I told you mine...

Him: I’m not sitting here to “Chat” I opened FB for some work & luckily saw your message.

He had me at this, I lost my temper... a few days ago, I had an argument with some other guy who was also an actor, most people from my generation especially those who stay in this Bollywood City are in some or the other way linked to the media industry; they migrate from other states, rent apartments & then misbehave with girls or more aptly “Modern, Bold & Unconventional, Feminist-Mumbai, Delhi Chicks.” These guys are nothing but narcissistic, vain and stereotypical... I realised he had recently done some cheap, porno flick but I didn’t say anything. I understood why he was such a douche.

Not talking about 501. I was already mad at the other actor so when he started giving similar vibes I decided to take a stand for myself. I couldn’t let him mess

with me like that.

Me: Just because you’re a celebrity it doesn’t mean you are great! That is not why I texted.

Him: Did I say that?

Me: I told him I didn’t have any friends probably because of the kind of shows he does... where they glorify bullying, bad boys, toxic relationship, mind games, Stockholm Syndrome, etc. (Most shows on Channel V, MTV, etc. would emphasise on these things & the problem is also the audience. Youngsters are actually not supposed to copy these shows, they think it’s “cool” but what they don’t realise is that they’ll end up in Webbed & Gumrah not a bed or on the popular page... for the last time, Bad Boys aren‘t attractive, at least not in my knowledge, they can never be as attractive as a man playing with kids. Sensitivity, Compassion, Warmth, Decency, Tenderness are far more elusive & endearing than anything else. As a young girl, I had been recently exposed to “rapes” owing to the habit of reading newspapers which was cultivated in our early (primary school) childhood days. Coincidentally soon after that (when I was around 9 or 10) I came across something unexpected while watching a tv serial with my mom where they depicted a rape scene... it was appalling because the character belonged to the main cast, they suggested that he had already preyed upon his current victim’s friend and that he was used to it. He had also somehow gotten away with the previous act... It was obviously terrifying but what was worse was that she never reported him. It was normaliséd as if nothing had happened, she just effing cried and that’s it, and no they were not trying to send an eye opening message. I kept wondering why he wasn’t behind the bars, I knew it was a major felony, a gross crime... but according to the makers, he just a bad boy being as “mean” as possible, that was his “lifestyle” and it’s not like I misconstrued anything. It was indeed what I wasn’t hoping for. I hated his character and that show, no one admonished him and that topic never came to light. I have seen a lot of other unimaginable, appalling things in these daily soaps but if I share everything, we’ll be here till breakfast)

I didn’t get into much depth, I guess I just added, “No wonder you’ll play such cocky characters on screen.”

Him: I’m sure you watch nothing beyond Star World

Me: No I’m not one of those teens

Him: Then what? Sanskar? Lol

Me: Yes and you were on it

Him: Yes I was working with you only

Me: Yes, I was the director there

Not trying to play innocent but I actually wanted to be a director back then, unfortunately he took it in the wrong way, he thought I was being a despot so he decided to be a bigger despot by saying...

Him: No you were the spot

Me: Sooo 25 year old

Him: Sooo 18 year old

Now I’m 25... he is old

Just Kidding! I know this will not be taken in good humour ‘cuz I’m ugly but I can’t do anything about that.

Me: Blocked.

After that I blocked him.

Our Tinder conversation (in exact words, thanks to the screenshots) is in the book.

I’m feeling so bad right now.

Au Revoir


Zara Céleste


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